So here we are

So here we are, only you are not here.

It is just me, as you, and my father, as me.

And all over again I am experiencing your

Sideways comments and backlashery, as me,

As my mouth and brain take on your persona and direct it all again,

For the first time ever,

Towards my father, as me,

Who mumbles and mutters and whispers and tip-toes

Around me, as you.

And all over again, we are here, only

You are not here, so it is just me, knowing.

Knowing, and not being able to say a thing to you, as you,

Nor to stop the me that is now you.

Nothing can comfort my father, as me, because, as me,

I too was incapable of seeing what I was doing.

All the time I thought I was not doing, not doing.

So here we are, and I wish you were here, instead of him,

So that I could be me, as me now, and you could be you,

As however you want to be,

And I could accept you.

And I could finally accept me, too.

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